Sometimes it’s easy to lose your heart, your impetuousness, your zest. You feel blue, and as if you’ve tried and tried and tried and never actually moved one step from where you began.
You analyze your feelings and realize they don’t make sense. You know what’s changed in your work, you know it’s strength. It’s the shield to carry you to your invincibility. You know this. How, my friend, do you manage to live it?
The Creator wrought the earth in seven days. The world! Applying logic, that fact must be symbolic, as it has taken you forty years to bleed out about ten novels.
And each time you finish, you’re drained, you’ve died. You don’t want to finish your fiction as what could possibly follow for you after that? Like the Creator, you materialized an entire universe. Your universe. Your private world.
You feel the personal success of your accomplishment a tragic failure. The world you have made and lived in and made friends and lovers in, is forever gone. You’re homeless.
An empty room. A blank piece of paper. Though if you embrace faith and/or faith embraces you, that’s when the spirits and angels come. The angles are small, little fairies. They twinkle and shine. They dance on you. They are gay and joyous, and laugh, and play.
The shens [good spirits of those departed this reality], manifest during literal storms as well as storms of the soul. They are your personal army. They help you out of your stupor, and sing you haunting, enchanting songs. They are your music; they love you.
Just like your fictive worlds. Whether or not they really exist. In the energy all around, in the adorning wind, in the breathing clouds, in the contented purring of your sweet baby cat.
And these are my prayers and meditations in this writing life. Fleeting, floating, figments of my overly active imagination. The vibrant pulsing power of creation itself.
And, is that enough?
Doesn’t it have to be enough.
Fairies on My Shield
by Lilith Moon
Black Lotus by Lita Lepie
"Possibly one of the most artful colloquial narratives of the past decade."
- E. Cohen
"My only criticism is that it wasn’t long enough..."
"...film noir in a book..."
"Awareness of race, gender and sexual orientation shades [Black Lotus] with great depth..."